Thank you, Bhaswati, for what you said about the poem. I’ve just re-read it myself and realised that I’m speaking to my children in it. Literally the embodiment of all that I am. Just as an aside, I can’t even conceive of not existing. The very idea is alien to me. To tell the truth I find it hard to understand that there is life outside of me and my experience – how can there be so many consciousnesses out there? Surely, there’s just really one? Your point about mind devils is well taken – it certainly strikes a chord for me.

Atyllah, I know what you mean about going really low. There’s only up from there, isn’t there? And I so agree with your comment about belief in self and dreams. I forget who said ‘whether we think we can or think we can’t, we’re probably right’. But I know what they meant.

This evening I took my children walking round a shopping complex after school and then went to a shopping mall on the way home and did some more walking. Physically it was hard to do, but I loved spending time with my children and moving with them. They loved it too. I shall be doing more of the same tomorrow evening – I’m looking forward to it…

Saaleha is right. Once you accept what IS, you are guided by a natural intelligence to do what is good/right for you. Try resisting what is, and the results are self-pity, fear, and all those obnoxious mind devils. Just know you are loved, and stay relaxed.

So, you are honest and brave and you have already proved yourself to be a caring and sensitive human being and a good writer to boot

Why not pop over to the Minx’s blog who has just set herself up as an agony aunt – you might even get a laugh out of it

that’s a lot of bloody positive vibes all rolled into one

way to go Amin!

Once I get to that point of inevitability about my weight/health I know things will change. I’m just not sure *how* to get to that point consciously – it always seems just out of reach. But only just.

I’m certainly feeling very upbeat today and I’m not obsessing about food as I normally do (believe me, that’s a relief!).

You’re right about dreaming big and reaching high, too. How often do we talk ourselves out of trying something ‘just in case’ it doesn’t work? Well, it sure won’t work if we don’t try it.

Thanks for your comments.

I think you’re so right about the process of rising back to normality – which for me is an upbeat and cheerful state of mind. I suppose what is difficult is not being physically able to do all the things I have in my head – and there’s a lot in there, believe me!

Saaleha, I know in my heart that loving oneself is a major part of the cure – even the Bible instructs us to love ourselves as we love others – yet whatever dark process is in my head preventing me from doing it is a hidden and elusive assailant. I know that once I find that assailant and view him in full daylight he will evaporate – it’s just that the search is taking longer than I would like.

I’m sure when I find him I’ll also get a great story out of it, which I’ll post here.

Eventually!